The Voice Inside
Pain and disease, like pleasure and wellness, are the body’s attempts to communicate.
Dear L,
It feels like I have to re-learn to use every muscle in my body. It’s much harder to figure out how to do this as an adult than it was as a baby. I was smaller back then. I had lots of willing support. And my fascia was more resilient.
What is fascia?
I didn’t know anything about it until about six years ago. I was researching self-help physical therapy when YouTube recommended a video to me.
A lady with a microphone stands next to a man in a full-body spandex suit. She explains that we all have a “suit” of connective tissue inside of us, also known as fascia. Sometimes fascia gets stuck or bunched up, impairing our functionality. To illustrate this, she pinches the spandex suit and twists a piece of it in her hand. The man leans over to one side, unable to straighten.
Something about that demonstration clicked. I’ve had tight muscles and scoliosis since I was a teenager. Picturing my inner suit, it felt pinched and shrunken. Could this be the reason I was in so much pain and could no longer raise my arms?
I searched YouTube for more fascia videos. That was how I discovered Elisha Celeste, who has since created her own space on Substack, called The Human Freedom Project. Elisha’s YouTube and website introduce her special method of fascia release, called Kinetix. It is unique in that it involves compressing and shearing fascia, rather than just pinning and stretching. Through Kinetix, Elisha “maps” her clients’ fascia and helps them problem solve and resolve their pain.
Elisha’s “Fast Fascia Facts” is essentially a mini-course detailing some important aspects of fascia. Here are some highlights:
Fascia is the most abundant tissue in the body, wrapping every bone, nerve, organ, and muscle fiber/fibral.
Fascia can contract independently of your muscles and has incredible tensile strength.
Healthy fascia should be able absorb mechanical stress without pain.
Compression and shearing of fascia synthesizes hyaluronic acid, which is important for muscle glide and fascia hydration.
Because fascia touches everything in the body, it essentially touches every aspect of health.
Intrigued, I enrolled in some online courses and a year-long mentorship with the goal of learning to problem-solve my own fascia issues. I learned a lot. But to my frustration, my body has only a limited acceptance of fascia release.
Throughout my upper body, around my major joints, and in my arms and legs the fascia is so dense that it feels like I have extra tendons. I’ve taken to calling it “structural fascia.” It’s like my body has created its own braces. Or armor.
This structural fascia is so dense that it inhibits my movement. No amount of compression has an effect on this tough fascia. At least, not without some other preliminary work.
This begs the question, “Why doesn’t my fascia want to let go?” Here are some of my theories, which feel true:
My body is not producing enough of collagen type IV (inferred from my diagnosis of Bethlem myopathy), which is key to cell structure and healthy fascia. Therefore, my fascia is hardening in order to provide structure.
My body is bracing itself to protect my most vital parts (spine, CNS, organs, etc.) from the effects of unaddressed, growing muscle weakness over the years.
My body, via my fascia, strongly reflects some of the psychological patterns I’ve taken on, including fear and insecurity. In a sense, it feels “unsafe” to let go.
If these are true, then each of these points will need to be addressed before I can regain ability and freedom of movement.
I need a way to replace the collagen I am missing.
I need to enable my inhibited muscles and strengthen them.
I need to face my fears and insecurities.
And any other necessary pieces of this puzzle will need to be found and addressed.
This may seem straightforward, but it has taken years to get to this level of clarity. Some of the most important skills I have learned over the last several years are listening with open curiosity and testing the messages I receive.
Because, the body has a language of its own. It is different for each person.
The great thing is, you can learn your body’s language. You are the one with the inside information. It’s a matter of patience, consistency, and learning from mistakes—like acquiring any skill.
My body doesn’t usually speak as forcefully as it did in my previous post, when it shouted “No!” Sometimes it’s as subtle as my eyes watering to tell me I’ve pushed past my limits. Or my thoughts wandering when I’m too tired to focus. Or feeling my subconscious “highlight” a section of my body that needs special attention.
In a world that so often invites us to mentally check out of our bodies, becoming conscious of these kinds of signals can take special effort.
Taking responsibility and learning your body’s language doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek outside help. Getting another perspective, even if it’s an opposing one, has helped me better “see” myself. We all have blind spots when it comes to knowing ourselves. Sometimes a helpful critique is the crucial next step in healing.
But, I think we too often throw out the vital data our body is already giving us and rely solely on the advice of “experts” to "diagnose” and “fix” our problems. I have allowed the advice of some of these health authorities to prescribe me drugs that made me feel sicker, or who tried to convince me to ignore signals from my body as if my reluctance was a character weakness.
Pain and disease, like pleasure and wellness, are the body’s attempts to communicate. When I suppress pain, I suppress my body’s communication and I am working with less data. When I numb my symptom, I am silencing my body’s voice and any vital message it is trying to send.
This is the risk of just treating symptoms.
What we fear, we often silence or avoid. But you can’t heal what you’re not willing to address. With this in mind, fear of pain can be more harmful than the pain itself. Fear of disease can be harmful in the same way.
I’ve made the personal decision not to take painkillers. Nor do I intend to take any more fever reducers or anti-inflammatories.
Here is a recent tidbit from Elisha that is interesting to think about:
That which has the potential to heal also has the potential to harm.
That which has the potential to harm also has the potential to heal.
Heat. Cold. Medicine. Food. Movement. Used in the right way, they can heal. Used in the wrong way, they can cause harm. Listening to your body is the key to finding the balance. And not just listening your own body, but also your environment and those around you. We’re all more connected than we realize.
Putting in the work to heal feels heavy sometimes. But it has also been rewarding. I know I will never be the same as I was before, nor do I think I will ever want to be.
Of all the things that have the power to harm or heal, your choices are probably the most important. Please use that power wisely.
With love,
Ordinary Girl